Sign in a laundromat
--Automatic washing machines: please remove all your clothes when the light goes out

In an office:
--Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken

In an office:
--After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board

Outside a secondhand shop:
--We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?

Sign warning of quicksand:
--Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the district council.

Seen during a conference:
--For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor

Message on a leaflet:
--If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons

Sign on a repair shop door:
--We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)

Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
--Toilet out of order. Please use floor below

On a church door:
--This is the gate of heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side door.)